Disappointing Tashlich Experience.

I have been sinning all year, always trying to find new pleasures, new ideas, new transgressions, but after a long summer I ran out of new exciting ideas, I mean I have done it all, or at least I know others that did, the feeling of vacuity became a constant, after all I need adventure to wake in the morning, don’t we all? As the autumn inroads our summer peace, it is an alarming reminder of the inevitable winter looming.

Where do I find excitement, I am sure people have good reason to wake, and sometimes I can even see them smile like they are up to something, hmmm, shall I say something no good, but they will never share with me their inner feelings let alone the sins they have been committing, I am not really interested to know names, or the people involved, all I need from them is ideas.

As the famous vort from the Slonemer goes, how did Yidden do Gemilas Chasodim in the desert, they were all equals they all ate the same Mon? But we know chazal say that every person could think of any food they wanted and the Mon tasted like it, now the poor people were thinking of bread and water, because that’s all they were exposed to, came the rich man and thought them to think about steak, Kugel, etc.

Waking up erev Rosh Hashonah early for selichos, and then spending an awful long time in shul, listening to the chazen trying to wake the dead, a thought struck me like lightening, Tashlich!!! How can such a simple word like Tashlich makes me smile? How can a simple word like Tashlich add a jump to my step? How can a simple word like Tashlich be my savior? Tashlich is a ritual it takes place at a lake preferably where there are fish, Jews go there on their New Years, to throw in the sins they committed all year long.

The thought that I will be able to pick up all the sins of the community was elating, I was certain to find some new Ideas, new transgressions I have never thought about, I finished my prayers early, ate the lunch meal with fervor knowing that soon thereafter I will be handed over a prized possession.

First came the Yekes, I had little hope for them from the beginning but nonetheless was expecting a few tidbits, I started monitoring the stream of sins being disowned by the crowd, to my disappointment the sins amounted to a mere krias shemah not at the zeman, eating in beis haknesses, and speaking while the chazen was reciting the shemonah esrei. Then the heavy loaders arrived, my heart started racing, here is the load I was looking for, but they released some tax evasions, and some minor illegalities, and some heretic thoughts who was bigger the Chasam Sofer, or the Besht (Baal Shem Tov), I didn’t expect much from this flock, so the disappointment was not that big.

Then came the Lutvaks, I started rubbing my hands with excitement, this must be good, I mean after all they were never told about Chatois Neurim, they have no clue that this sin is unforgivable, they must have some interesting stuff to offload. I am totally tuned in, my eyes and thoughts are focused, I can’t wait for the chazon to start, anxious I hear the cry from the chazon, and the stream of sins started to flow. Huh???? Am I having a bad dream? Is this all they got? Are they kidding me or Hashem? I see Zeman Tefilo, Loshen Horah, Dinah Demalchiso Dinah, Copying Music CD’s, Bitul Torah, Elbon Chavero, bless their souls, but this is not what I was looking for.

My hope is not dashed, I can see from afar some shtrimels in the horizon, some of them sing, some speak loud, and some are just happy to greet the police while they are strolling down the parkway, I think to myself this is the real deal, hey there must be a reason Moshiach didn’t come yet, I think, the other 2 groups had miner dents, I highly doubt god will keep us in Diaspora just for that. My enthusiasm reaches new highs when they start making their way to the lake, The Rabbi gives a barf, and the sins start pouring, it looks promising at first glance, Some sex with the wife not according to Takones (Gur) calling girl employees by the first name, Watching an edited movie, looking at porn online, looking at women on the subway, but then to my dismay, that was the maximum I got on this sector, many missing Mincha, or davening after Chatzos, learning the Daf (Kanoyim) not dressing Tznius.

I am in total shock, total disarray, disappointed, is it me that was assuming wrong that people actually do the heavy duty sins? If so why didn’t Moshiach come yet, and besides I have met many Shiksas that knew frum people by their names, and they told me numerous stories.

 There can only be 2 options:

1          1)      The people who sin don’t go for Tashlich.

2          2)      People don’t repent on the “good” sins; they plan to continue doing it next year as well.

All-in-all a ritual that was suppose to supply me with fresh new concepts let me at least to understand that those who have to repent, don’t, and for the rest of the bunch it’s just feel good ritual.